“Eeeww. Mommy! That is so disgusting. Put it away!”, shouted 4 year old Aidan when we were in a hotel recently. He covered his eyes and was hiding under the blankets on his bed. I turned around and looked all over the room, trying to figure out what he was talking about. “Your butt. Mom. It’s gross. And your whole nakedness. Put it away.”
One of the first questions people ask me about being on tour with an 11 year old boy is, how does it all work with the housing? Are you in one hotel room with Sam or do you have your own room? And the answer is, sure, I can have my own room. If I want to pay for it. Otherwise, it’s me and Sam in our own double/double. Every night. In every city.
11 year old boys. What is the word that most people think of? That’s right. Puberty. And what could be more fun for a mom and a pre-pubescent boy then to be together ALL THE TIME. And so, many a night, like tonight, when Sam is not doing the show and we are trapped together in a blizzard in Dayton, Ohio, I am hanging out in the lobby hotel. And, I’m sure, when I come back, he will be laying in bed. With his hands in his pants. ‘Cause that’s where they always seem to be these days.
I realize that if he we were not living in 350 square feet together for 6 months, his hands would be there and I would be none the wiser. It’s just that, in our double doubles, it’s hard for me to look away. And he wants to watch Victorious and all the Nick shows with hot teenage girls in them. And I want to watch Dateline.
And as for conjugal visits: each cast member picks a roommate when they are in New York that they will bunk with on the road. And when their significant others come in town, they just get another room. When Craig visited in Scranton, we were again in a double double. With 3 people. It was a little awkward for us to get another room when he hadn’t seen Sam in two months. So thank goodness for the Addams Family cast who called an emergency rehearsal at 2:00 p.m. on the Saturday of that weekend to brush up on stuff. It was only for 25 minutes. But that was enough time for us once we dropped him off at the theatre. And it turns out he wasn’t needed. But thank you anyway to the producers for calling that meeting.
And so, I am back in my room. And lucky for me, Sam was not in the bed when I arrived. He was locked in the bathroom.