Remember that scene in “Airplane” where the flight attendant takes a guitar to the back of the plane? As she does, she hits every person on the head with the guitar.
Today marks the official half way point of our 6 month journey on tour. In that time, I have gone from a timid, rule following traveler to that flight attendant. I take my too big carry on onto the bus or plane, and storm my way onboard as if I have a right to schlep all my crap into this giant bag. It WILL fit under my seat, damnit. I deserve it.
I really love Southwest Airlines for the no baggage or switch fees, and the witty humor of those flight attendants, but am totally mystified how people end up in the A boarding group. I love the assigned seating on other airlines but hate paying to check a bag and for the privilege of more leg room. I dream of the day I will buy something from the Sky Mall magazine. Those air conditioned doggy beds look so great.
I am now analyzing each airport, trying to pick my favorite. Current winners are Cleveland and New Haven; most confusing airport goes to Orlando, worst food options goes to Kansas City, and angriest workers and current least favorite is Newark. You don’t have to be so forceful with that X-ray wand New Jersey people.
Hotels are mostly all the same, except for the ones that try to be fancy, but really aren’t. Btw hotel owners, when you put faux granite in the bathrooms, you are not fooling anyone. And can we get rid of those shower curtains and liners? Ugh! Just add doors! And to a certain hotel in Syracuse, your elaborate elevator system was not cool. ( see below pictures)
Bad news for my fellow readers; I have given up reading in favor of watching tv shows. I need mindless entertainment on long journeys, and there are a lot of series out there that help me with this. I watched both seasons of Girls, one season of Homeland, Scandal, and 2 seasons of Weeds. I tried Californication, Breaking Bad and Pretty Little Liars. I’m onto The Good Wife and have Mad Men ready to try.
I still love the tour and seeing new towns and Sioux Falls, SD is my favorite (Appleton, WI is a close second). You should know I judge all towns based on shopping opportunities in unique boutiques. I have quite the jewelry collection going here. American Express is always so concerned about me, so, thank you AmEx for continuing to notify Craig when I make large purchases out of state. I’m really fine, though, so no need to keep calling. Especially when I was in Syracuse trying to buy shoes. I thought we were friends Amex. I had to use my backup BFF, Discover. And it didn’t need to be this way.
I love being part of the Addams Family even though I’m not in it. I keep pointing out to everyone that I know the entire show by heart and could step in at any moment to fill any role, but so far no one has given me my shot. The closest I have come to dancing onstage is during act 2, during a long dance number. The cast members that are not in that scene stand behind the curtain and do an arm workout, led by one of the actors. I have been allowed to join them and sometimes I add some squats or dance moves. Sam said I embarrass him and offered me $5.00 to not to it anymore.
Sam loves meeting his fans and cracks me up when he purposely wanders around the lobby after the show so that people will notice him (wonder where he gets that from?) Sometimes I think people waiting at the stage door think I’m in the show bc I have a backstage pass. This makes me happy until Sam comes out behind me and steals my thunder. Once I shouted to the crowd “I gave birth to Pugsley”, but no one cared.
Only 3 months left and I’m so grateful for all of it so far. When people ask me what it’s like backstage before the show, it’s hard to put into words. And so, I will let this Detroit Zoo ad from the 1980s sum it up for me.
Check out this video on YouTube: