Punchline

“Mommy. I’m very very worried about Daddy.” Lauren came to me tonight with very concerned eyes after I returned home from a much needed girls night out. “He has an Instagram now. What is happening to him on this tour?”

I am wondering this myself. My husband, who has not let a day go by in the 15 years I have been with him without some sort of complaint about something that occurred that day, has not complained about anything this entire week. He is appearing in Facebook photos on the bottom of pyramids filled with Addams Family cast members soaked in spray paint. He is hanging at the bar until wee hours, and getting on buses and planes at 5 am daily. And he is as happy and cheery as I have ever known him.

Tonight I went to a comedy club to see one of my all time favorite comedians Gary Gulman. I love comedy because it makes you laugh at the absurdity of life and makes you forget for a moment things that are bothering you. People always tell me I have the funniest stories. And so now, I will share a few stories from my week. These are not my all time favorites, just a few of my weekly highlights.

Aidan has become obsessed with Carlotta. He was playing ball with her last week outside when he asked her to take off her pants. When I asked him later if he said that and he said “yes, mommy, I did. But what I really wanted to do was tell her to take off her shirt.” Craig has busted him hiding outside of Carlotta’s bathroom when she showers, hoping to catch a glimpse. You can see in the photo below how much he enjoyed posing with her in her Easter Sunday wear. He also told me he would like to take Chloe from his class home one day next week so he can see her naked in his closet. He is 4. I’m in serious trouble.

I went to get my 8 month weight loss check up this week. I have lost 18 pounds total which includes 5 inches off my waist, but only 1.5 inches off my hips. Which shows you no Jewish woman can get rid of their ass, no matter how hard they try.

My mother is obsessed with the Addams Family shows coming to Detroit in June. I did not get married in Michigan, so I have told the producers this is her version of my Michigan wedding. Every day she calls to tell me what row and seat number each of her friends have. There are politics involved with seating arrangements and I’m exhausted from the discussions. She told me that her friends think the Saturday night show is almost sold out, which surprises me since the Fox has 5000 seats. Do we know that many people? (Btw get your tickets for either of the Saturday shows now in June before my mother buys them all. I’ll be in Flint doing two Saturday shows in April, but according to my Mother, “Eh, no one will schlep to Flint.” Btw, MOM, Flint is only an hour from Detroit.

I love that tonight when the opening act guy was talking about how prescription drugs are more fun than drinking, all 7 girls I was with turned to me and nodded and smiled. Like I’m the only one that can relate to this.

People use search terms to find my blogs. Recently someone found my site by typing “shoes are Valium.” So there you go. Not really sure what that says about my blog, but they found me! Welcome!

Craig is a big fan of calling me during time periods when he is completely distracted. It’s like he turns on the computer, picks out a really fun website to check out, and then he thinks that’s a great time to talk about my day. He hangs in there for a good 10 minutes, playing along, until I bust him on the fact that he didn’t hear anything I said. Yesterday he called and we talked and he said he liked that days blog. Then he asked me what I was doing that night. My blog was all about what I was doing that night, which I pointed out to him. Then he admitted he was playing Scrabble with Sam and he had to go concentrate. Just keep repeating to yourself..we are all married to the same man.

A friend pulled an unbelievable joke on her husband this week by buying a big can of sexual lube gel and sneaking it into his carry on bag before he left for the airport to go on a business trip. When the alarms went off in security, the TSA workers were hysterically laughing as they pulled it out of his bag. She had put a note attached that said April Fools! on the can.

Craig will get on a plane tomorrow to take Sam to Ft Lauderdale for two weeks of shows. His parents are taking over as Sams guardians for the next two weeks, and Craig comes home Monday. But will he return, I ask you? Will my new free spirit gypsy husband ever return to the grind of non/tour life back here on planet reality? Will we ever see the real Dr Craig Primack again? Only time will tell.

Either way, I will just laugh. Because laughter is really the best medicine for anything. Life is crazy, and if you can’t laugh at yourself or your life, you will lose out on the best form of stress relief there is besides sex and exercise, and those other activities take up way too much energy.

Every day I get up, I hope I will find something funny in my day. Even if its the fact that next week my close friend and I have obgyn appointments on the exact same date and time, same office, just different drs. This happened once before, and we didn’t plan either of time. Just a wacky coincidence. Last time we texted each other from the stirrups. This time we are going to ask if we can do it in the same room, like a couples massage.

You have been a great audience! Thank you very much! I’m here all week! Good Night everyone!

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2 Responses to Punchline

  1. Ally – your writing is incredible!!! This needs to be a book. Love reading it. And I will keep reading it!!!

  2. Nikki Markowitz Dorfman says:

    I love Gary Gulman too…your are pretty funny too my friend.
    Keep on laughing – side-splitting is the best kind!

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