Girl Scouts Aren’t Just For Cookies

When Morticia realizes that her kids are becoming independent and don’t need her anymore, she says “This what happens to mothers who aren’t needed anymore. Alone and forgotten in a tiny room living on cat food and broken dreams. They end up deceived, deluded, smoking weed in the attic.”

These past few days, I am feeling a little
like Morticia. No one seems to need me that much anymore. Aidan has completely changed in the last 6 months. He is more independent and confident. He got up the other morning and made his own breakfast. He tried rollerskating and archery and loves sports camp. He also decided to stop using a swim shirt in the pool because “Sam doesn’t wear a shirt when he sleeps, and Daddy only wears his underwear. I think that as you get older, you wear less clothes.”

Lauren is going to sleepover camp for a week and I’m not home to help her pack. She has been spending her summer days with friends. Sleeping out every night, shopping, and occasionally texting me to check in. She talks about cute boys and asked Carlotta what her first kiss was like. She’s 10.

And Sam. Sam the 12 year old man. I was not feeling well the other night, and Sam went to a cast members’ birthday celebration at our hotel bar without me. He ordered her a shot of tequila and sent it over to her. He charged it on his credit card.

Sam has a fan base of girls on Instagram. When I secretly check his phone, I see girls who he is texting/flirting with. His biggest fans are the Girl Scouts. Whenever a troop comes to the show, he is the first one to sign up to give them a backstage tour. He thinks many of them are cute in their uniforms. He shouts “The Girl Scouts are coming! The Girl Scouts are coming!” He is the Paul Revere of our show. All I wonder is if there is a patch the moms get to sew on the girls’ sashes for batting their eyes at Pugsley.

Gomez, too, is crushed when he learns Wednesday is getting married. He can’t believe how fast she is growing up. “She’ll be Thursday before you know it” he sings. I love the father’s view of letting his daughter go. “A boy says he adores, she who once was yours.” I can’t imagine Lauren coming home with a ring. I had a hard enough time when Carlotta got picked up for a date and I answered the door.

In the same way that Sam can’t control his voice, and I can’t control my bladder, Craig and I can’t control these kids growing up. Just like Gomez, we look at our kids and wonder where the years went. We are sad that they don’t need us as much anymore. But then someone says how polite or nice or special they are, and we are happy that we are doing our jobs well.

Tonight I am watching the Tonys with Sam. He is watching the kids perform from a show he was almost a part of (A Christmas Story). He is watching his peer Jeremy actually on it. And he is really and truly happy for him. He has texted him and made a video congratulating him. It is nothing short of pure unselfishness and…maturity. I’m so proud of him.

So, you see, It’s not that I’m not ready to be left alone in the attic to do whatever the hell I want. It’s just that I still want to enjoy the innocence of Samoas and Thin Mints when I have the munchies.







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