Independence Day

“You are crazy. I would never let someone that looks like her stay in my house.” “You are nuts.” “What’s wrong with you?” These were some of the supportive comments I received when I informed friends and family that we hired Carlotta to live with us during the tour.

Carlotta, our blond hair, blue eyed, tall, leggy 20 year old Austrian au pair. Carlotta, who in her application video was so gorgeous that I jokingly called her our “Swiss Miss pin up model.” We skyped with her in advance and she talked about her love of physical activity, healthy, home-cooked meals, and her dislike of TV. Oh, no. I thought. Now I’m in trouble.

Until I met her in person. She was fun and engaging and for the next 6 months my house and my life was always organized. She discovered my inability to, like, throw things away and she set to work. My kids loved her and Craig got his home cooked meals and I got peace of mind. I also was reunited with many articles of clothing and toys and books that I had just assumed ran away, but were actually under the couch.

We learned all about Austria and its unique form of government. It is very difficult to get guns there and there are very few mass shootings. They do not analyze children’s behaviors to death: they just act quickly to discipline and move on. They are more positive than we are: they actually say that good things happen in threes. They require
a year in social service or the army after high school and they provide free health care to all. I think they are getting better with their views on the Jews and they now have their first citizen who is a member of the JCC in Scottsdale, AZ.

I feel like there should be a detox program for people who get off of a tour. I keep trying to call room service for food, and pressing zero on my phone does not quickly bring up the guy to fix my air conditioning. I need to train myself to go to sleep at 10 pm again, as no one is up hanging out having drinks at 2 am in my house. No one is telling me my daily schedule now. I have to, like, plan stuff myself. Sam needs a hair cut and we no longer have a hairdresser available at our beck and call. I am glad, however, that I don’t have to keep track of the credit card-sized hotel keys now, and I can go back to losing my house and car keys again.

The Primacks are back to taking care of themselves again. No Carlotta, no hotel concierge, just us. We have always been good at taking care of each other. While it was nice to rely on others for help, we are just fine on our own.

And so, to the Addams Family, I see you have landed safely in Singapore. Enjoy and be safe! To Carlotta, hope your travels to Salzburg were good and you are enjoying your reunion with your family. And to all of you here in the USA with me, happy 4th of July. I must go now, as I need to make dinner and watch tv.

So, can someone please give me the number of good carry out and help me find my clicker?

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