Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday where we feel really bad for everything we did last year. It is our most religious holiday: its the Jewish Christmas. Minus the presents or joy. We punish ourselves by taking away the one thing we love the most: food. Then tomorrow we can go back to being schmucks and feel better about it because we didn’t eat for a full day.
And so, here’s what I’m sorry for in 2013:
1. I’m sorry I don’t know if we should tip at Pei Wei. They do bring you the food but you have to stand in line and order it. So it confuses me.
2. I’m sorry I don’t like Orange is the New Black. I have watched 3 episodes and it makes me uncomfortable. ( I do like House of Cards and Arrested Development so I hope that evens it out.)
3. I’m sorry that I don’t understand how people get in the A boarding group for Southwest Airlines. I log in 24 hours in advance every time and I’m still in the late Bs.
4. I’m sorry that sometimes people tell me stories and I nod my head but I don’t really listen to them. In sorry that a lot of times those people are my children.
5. I’m sorry that I don’t have enough time to like every single person’s Facebook posts. I feel like it’s the nice thing to do, but I don’t always have the time.
6. I’m sorry that Craig and I cannot fast without killing each other. We decided years ago that since he is a weight loss doctor and we have lots of diet bars around, we will not fast. We Optifast. It’s still taking away the pleasure of food. Just in a manufactured chocolate kind of way.
7. I’m sorry that I don’t really know any of my neighbors. We don’t actually go outside very much because its just too hot. But your lawns are all very nice.
8. I’m sorry that I don’t remember who anyone is anymore. I’m not being rude. I think I know too many people.
9. I’m sorry I can’t make any more friends this year. This bar mitzvah thing is way more expensive than I thought.
10. I’m sorry that I wrote this on a holiday when we are not supposed to do any work. But if we are supposed to cook and take care of kids and a dog and a husband on this day, I’m thinking blogging is ok too.
L’ Shana Tova (We say happy new year on this day too. I think. I’m not sure. I’m sorry for that too.)