Into The Woods

Here it is folks. My weekly frustrations. See how easy it is to annoy me???

1. Emojis: I know. It’s easy and fast to put a picture of clapping hands instead of writing out the exhausting word “congratulations” but are we really that lazy? And why are there leaping frogs in your text to me? What does that mean?

2. Sleepovers: why are these necessary? I hated them as a kid. I hate them as a parent. I don’t want to be responsible for your kid at 2 am anymore than I want to be responsible for my own.

3. Dinner. First thing I think about when I wake up: what am I making for dinner? It haunts me all day. Isn’t it enough that I feed you people breakfast and lunch? Can’t you go forage in the woods and figure out your own damn dinners?

4. Snowbirds: listen, I’m not trying to be rude. But we live here in Arizona all year long. Even in the summer. So can you people please stop driving so slow and taking all the good parking spots?

5. Pushy salespeople. I am a very private shopper. I don’t go in packs. I prefer to browse, choose, try on and leave on my own. Don’t care about anyone’s opinion but my own. So to the lady working yesterday at the White House Black Market store: the following me around and the constant outfit suggestions annoyed me to no end. But opening up my dressing room door to see “how I’m doing” was crossing the line. And so you were punished by seeing me naked. I hope you learned your lesson.

6. Magazine subscriptions: I wanted that Good Housekeeping subscription two years ago. I did. But I don’t want it anymore. How is it on automatic renewal? I don’t know how to stop the magazines from coming. I’m all done with the festive holiday recipes and the articles about the best products to clean your sink. Please let me move on now.

7. I hate that there was a school shooting yesterday but it wasn’t front page news because “only” one person got killed. We have become so desensitized to this that unless there are bodies piled up everywhere, we just shrug our shoulders and move on.

8. Doubletree Road: or any road that is only 35 miles per hour. Why? Why do we need to drive this slow? And why am I always stuck behind a landscaping truck going 20 mph?

9. Parent teacher conferences : I feel so big in those small chairs. I don’t want to get in trouble. I get so nervous in those chairs.

10. Personalized license plates: cool . You love dogs or you are rj’s mom. That’s awesome. I just want to drive. We don’t have to reveal too much to each other just because we are both driving. I’m sure you are a gr8dad. I just don’t care.

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4 Responses to Into The Woods

  1. Hivekeeper says:

    I hate Doubletree road, or should I say, Double pain in the a** road!

  2. Larry says:

    Great blog entertaining

  3. Dalit says:

    Allyson, I never knew you were this funny!!

  4. allison cohen says:

    Thanks for the chuckle, old friend.

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