How Deep Is Your Love

I have a small issue with change. The summer after high school graduation, after the first of our friends left for college, I got into bed and watched Saturday Night Fever over and over. When “How Deep Is Your Love” came on at the end, it would set me off on a crying spree that was only calmed by my re-starting the movie. I’m not sure of the correlation between graduating and this movie, although after years of analyzing it, I think it’s because John Travolta’s character Tony Manero reluctantly realizes throughout the movie that he is growing up. He has to face the fact that there may be more to life than disco dancin’ in a white suit with fabulous hair. He may actually be in love the mature lady who likes hot tea. With lemon.

I still hate change. I am not sure why Seinfeld had to end. It would still be relevant today. I also feel that way about Cheers, Family Ties, Party of Five and Six Feet Under. I have still not updated to IOS7.

This week The Addams Family took their final bows after 18 months on the road. Sam and I have been gone since July but we still feel like we are part of the family, so all weekend I felt sad that it was ending. I would cry at various odd moments and felt like E.T, who could feel Elliott’s pain even though he was at school and E.T. was home playing with the See & Spell.

This week, my firstborn son turns into a teenager, my baby girl graduates elementary school and heads to middle school, and Aidan will be done with Kindergarten. (btw he’s NOT graduating Kindergarten. He isn’t LEAVING the school. It’s a CULMINATION. Aidan wants you to understand that.)

I like things to stay as they are. I don’t want to move forward. If anything, I want to go back. The cashier at lunch this week after ringing up my food said “It’s 1986” and I was so happy for a minute until I realized she was talking about the total for my lunch and not that I had been zapped back in time in a Delorean.

But then this week I found a letter I had written in college to a friend who was doing a semester in Europe. I was discussing my summer plans after college graduation, which included either traveling Europe or a trip to NYC. Little did I know that my summer vacation actually turned out to be reluctantly helping my parents move across the country from Michigan to Arizona after they suddenly decided to move at the end of that year. Things changed, my life changed, and all in all, I think it turned out to be ok for me.

Life can be full of twists and turns and change can be scary and exciting. You never know what’s coming next. If you don’t embrace change, you can’t fully experience the joys of life.

So, Addams Fam, go out and conquer the world. It’s your time to shine. You are all stars. Things will fall into place for each of you, even if it takes time to figure out where you will land.

And Sam, my teenager, Mommy will be going away for awhile. I am too young to have a teenage child. In my head, I am still a teenager. I will leave no forwarding address, so best of luck to you. Lauren, I’ll contact you once you are 22. I hear that’s the age girls like their moms again once they start puberty. And Aidan, I believe I have run out of all the answers to your presidential and government history questions. You don’t need me anymore. You just need Google.

And so, I’m off to an undisclosed location, to mourn the loss of my buddies on the road and my youthful creatures at home. I’m taking to my bed again. To watch Tony and to learn again from his disco journey. Will he win the dance contest? Will his friend fall off the bridge and die? And will he finally stand up to his dad for messing up his hair after he works really hard to look like Al Pacino?

Change is good and necessary, I know. But so is feeling scared about all of it.

**This blog dedicated to the girl I wrote the letter to in college: Suzanne. Suzanne was a bright, beautiful light who passed away way too young from cancer leaving 2 little girls behind. As long as I knew her, she always embraced change and the unknown, up until the very end.

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One Response to How Deep Is Your Love

  1. Nikki (Markowitz) Dorfman says:

    Ally,

    I always love reading your blog and following you on your crazy journeys (inside your head and out in the “real” world). This one especially moved me because you mentioned Suzanne. I got the chills when I realized that you were referring to her. She was not only a person who embraced change, she was often the reason for it. In her subtle, sweet demeanor (although sometimes sarcastic and oh so witty), Suzanne touched a lot of people. It was her special way of connecting, keeping in touch and caring that made you want to be part of her inner circle. She was a kind soul and I miss her.

    Thank you for dedicating your blog to my dearly missed friend. Being in Portland, I somehow did not know about her passing until several months after…that was surely a change I didn’t anticipate and left me in utter shock. I reached out to several of our college friends to grieve. I love hearing how she touched people; especially her blended family. I often go onto her FB page to read what her step daughters write about her. She was loved and earned every piece of our hearts! That’s a full life – may she live for a blessing in all of us who knew her!

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