The Day My Computer Died

(Sung to the tune of the classic song “American Pie” If you are not familiar with it, you are not old enough to read this blog)

A long long time ago
I can still remember when
Those Facebook posts made me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That Youtube video would make me dance
And maybe I’d be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every tweet that I’d deliver
Bad news on my game app
I was starting to feel the age gap

I can’t remember if I cried
When I learned that my computer was fried
Something touched me deep inside
The day my computer died

Bye, Bye to my Social Media Tie
Called Apple for help from the computer guy
They told me to come in and I started to cry
Sobbing this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Did you write that tweet of love
And did you Instagram a dove
Was it a picture from your recent trip?
Did you receive my LOL?
Can you text me if you decide to bowl?
And can you teach me how to snapchat real slow?

Well I know that you sent a Vine
But the problems here are all mine
We both binge-watch The View
And I dig Whoopi’s fashionably shoes

I was a lonely mom and stuck
With kids whining and it all did suck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the computer died
I started singin’

Bye, Bye to my Social Media Tie
Called Apple for help from the computer guy
They told me to come in and I started to cry
Sobbing this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Now for three years I’ve blogged on my own
Sharing deep thoughts as I get stoned
But that’s not how it used to be

I’d walk outside to get seen
Or write a note when I was fifteen
In a letter that went from you to me

And one day we all looked down
The computer stole the pencil’s crown
Play time was adjourned
To our homes we all returned

And while all the dogs did bark
No kids played there in the park
They sat there and Facebooked in the dark
The day our social skills died
And we were singin’

Bye, Bye to my Social Media Tie
Called Apple for help from the computer guy
They told me to come in and I started to cry
Sobbing this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d bought that laptop years before
But the man there said I’d have to wait for awhile

And there we were all in one place
Several generations trying to find a parking space
With no time left to come back again

So come on Genius Bar guy be nimble
Genuis Bar guy be quick
Genuis Bar guy don’t be a dick
Because the internet is your only friend

Oh, and as I watched the guy whose half my age
Go so fucking slow I fell into fits of rage
No angel born in Hell
Could break that teenager’s technology spell

And as the hours ticked high into the night
I realized I hadn’t eaten a bite
I saw Steve Jobs laughing with delight
The day my computer died.
He was singin’

Bye, Bye to my Social Media Tie
Called Apple for help from the computer guy
They told me to come in and I started to cry
Sobbing this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

I met a neighbor who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away

And in the car my children screamed
They cried and cried, for hours it seemed
Not a word was spoken
The family computer was broken

And the three men I admire most
The cable guy, the electrician and the guy that brings us the post
They bolted out of town and I knew we were toast
The day the computer died
And they were singing;

Bye, Bye to my Social Media Tie
Called Apple for help from the computer guy
They told me to come in and I started to cry
Kids are sobbing this’ll be the day I’ll just die
This’ll be the day that I’ll just die

computer-virus-rev-1

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