Dear Arizona,

You know that embarrassing relative whom you HAVE to invite to family events? The guy that no one wants to claim as being from their side of the family?   The one who thinks that it is o.k. to use racial slurs in conversation?  That old man who pinches the waitress’ behind and then winks at you?  Yeah, Arizona, up until today, that was you.

We, your family, are very proud of you for what you did today.  It was a long time coming, and you certainly could have done it much, much sooner. I guess what matters is that you finally did it.

Now, Arizona: you still have a long, long way to go.  You need to stop arresting people for being Hispanic, get the retirees in your state to vote for budget overrides to improve our education, and you need to stop your senators from making homophobic and anti-semitic bills.

If you do that, we might stop denying that we are related to you.  We may even stop saying “I live in Arizona, but I’m really FROM (insert state)” so that no one thinks we actually like you.

We might even start to brag about your recent accomplishments. Like proud parents, we might start wearing aprons that you made, or t-shirts with your picture on them. We may even may put bumper stickers on our car that say “My state is less homophobic than your state.”

But just like that second-cousin twice removed, you finally got your GED. Now you need to go out there and go to college or find a real-life paying job. Stop living in your parent’s basement. It’s time for you to grow up.

Good job.


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