Chad And The Meat Tray

I have a confession: Most of the time, I completely live inside my head. I crack myself up all day long, and usually don’t feel the need to share my thoughts with anyone. Throughout my life, I have created many terms that I use in my head on a daily basis.  Most of the phrases are based on events, people or observations from my life.

Since the holiday season is approaching, it’s time you learn one of my favorites. It is called “Chad And The Meat Tray.”

The story begins on the day I graduated from college. My best girlfriends and I held a very large brunch before the ceremony for our friends and family. It was a brunch held on the lawn of the home we all shared in college, and we had several large platters of food, including trays of bagels, fruit, and cheese.  

There was also a meat tray.

We had a lot of food left over, and the party continued that night with just our friends after the ceremonies were over.  One of the people that attended the party was a bartender from our favorite college bar named Chad. Chad was a very nice fella, quite a big guy, who really didn’t have much to say.  At the end of the night, my friend whom I will call “Lottie” decided to give Chad the rest of the meat tray to take home.

Over the course of the next several weeks, we would still go to the bar where Chad worked. (Although we graduated, we stayed in East Lansing, MI for the summer. No one wanted to leave.) Chad would say hello, and for some reason, Lottie would always ask Chad “how was the meat tray?”  On multiple occasions, whenever she saw Chad, Lottie felt the need throughout the evening to bring up that damn meat tray.  When I asked her why, she said it was the only thing they had to talk about.  I finally told her that if that was all they had to discuss, she should probably just talk to someone else.

Because of this, whenever I have only one topic in common with someone, I silently call it our “Chad and the Meat Tray” topic.

And so, if we run into each other at an event this holiday season, please, listen to me. If we end up in a narrow hallway at a party or we in line together waiting for the bathroom, and both of us get nervous as to what to discuss, and one of us feels the urge to bring up that one time we saw each other at the doctor’s office, or the fact that we own the same shirt, or that we drive the same car in the same color, or that our kids have the same name spelled the same way, just nod your head instead.  I get it.  We have nothing to talk about, and that’s ok.

We are all very busy this time of the year.  And we are tired. Let’s just smile and say hello and go on about our business. I promise you I will not be offended. There is no need to talk about a moldy meat tray just to be social anymore.

Happy Holidays,



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