Alright, kids.. it’s that time of year again…
Things I Hate in 2016 (So Far);
I hate adults who are obsessed with Hello Kitty. Really, ladies, it’s time to move on from 5th grade. I loved Holly Hobby, but you don’t see me painting her face on the side of my car. I was a big fan of Strawberry Shortcake, but I’m not carrying a purse with her face on it.
I hate when animals are at the grocery store. Or a restaurant. I know that dogs are allowed at these places near my food, but do they really need to be there?
I hate Bernie Sanders. I mean, not really, but come on, sir. It’s time to go. You’re really stressing me out. I had it all figured out in my head and now I’m totally confused.
I hate snap chat. My kids cannot seem to do anything without taking a picture of themselves doing said thing. Do their friends really want to see 6 pictures of them as they ride with me for five minutes in the car on the way to school? Maybe they do. But I just want to take that phone out of their hands and smash it with a hammer.
I hate Kanye’s debt crisis. Is it because he had kids with a Kardashian and he can’t keep up with the cost of paying for their leather onesies and pacifiers filled with liquid gold? A wise prophet once said, “18 years. 18 years. She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years. ‘Cause when she leave yo ass she gon’ leave with half 18 years.” Just wait it out, man.
I hated Grease Live. Yeah, that’s right. I was afraid to say it because I know that we are supposed to support live theatre being brought into people’s homes but then Hamilton performed at The Grammys and I figured I could finally reveal my hatred for Grease Live and be forgiven for it since that is really true live theatre being brought into people’s homes. Grease Live was, in a reality, a re-make of the movie “Grease” and I’m sorry but that movie is sacred to me. I know every word, movement and song lyric. I saw it 20 times in the movie theatre when it came out. So let’s be clear FOX: It’s Sandy Dombrowski from Australia not Sandy Young from Utah! And the guy from the band at the school singing “Hang Jive” had a mohawk. Come on! (And what in the hell were those cheerleading tryouts on the school lawn? What is this: Bring It On?) OK, I’m done.
I don’t hate, but I am somehow already annoyed by, “Fuller House.” Not because of how good or bad it will be, but because I wish they would do sequels to other shows from my youth. What about “Dawson’s Creeks?” or “Melrosier Place”?
And finally, I hate that I drank too much water yesterday and retained it to the point that I had to go to the emergency room to get both my engagement and wedding ring cut off by a mini-saw. However, I have come to the realization that engagement rings are the only clothing-type item that a person is supposed to fit into for the rest of their lives. I got engaged in 1998 and I’m pretty sure that I can no longer fit into the jeans or the bras or the bathing suits that I was wearing that year. Why should I still fit into that ring? Maybe this is a male dominated society’s way of saying that a woman should stay exactly the same for the rest of her life once she is married.
But that’s not reality. The true reality is that as we grow older, we are constantly evolving and changing. I’m certainly not the same person today that I was in 1998. My body has changed, my mind has changed and my soul has changed. I finally understand myself and what I want and need. I care deeper, fight harder, and love stronger than I did back then. I want to wear my rings again some day. Rings are symbols and these rings perfectly reflected who I was then. But to be truly reflect who I am today, they will need to be altered just a little bit.