Top 10 Things I Can’t Do Anymore Now That I’m Almost 45.

There are many, many things I can’t do anymore now that I am 2 1/2 months away from turning 45.  Too many to write, so I narrowed it down to the top ten things that I Just Can’t Do:

I can’t: 
1. Talk on the phone while grocery shopping. I can no longer multi-task. I will definitely forget to buy something if I’m chatting on the phone walking through the frozen foods aisle.

2. Drive in the dark: At night, unless a street is illuminated by a flood of lights, I just can’t see where I am going. Without lights, driving in the dark, I get disoriented and forget where I was going in the first place, or why I was going there.

3. Drink and drive: This does not mean that I cannot drink alcohol and get behind the wheel of a car. It means I literally cannot take a sip of a drink, any drink, while I am driving. This must be because my mouth is drooping, and has moved lower down my face. But I have to wait for a light and come to a complete stop to attempt to take a sip from my water bottle or I will simply spill it everywhere.

4. Recognize anyone: If you run into me and we haven’t seen each other in a while, I’m very sorry. I just don’t know who you are. (Although I will have a running checklist in my head for the rest of the day- do I know her from school?  work? children’s after school activities? was she a client? is she my child’s doctor?  Is she my neighbor? Was she my neighbor? Is that our vet? My dental hygienist?)

5. Park in a multi-level structure: I will never find my car again. Ever. Even if I write down the spot where I parked. Because most likely, I will forget where I wrote that information down.

6. Loud restaurants: I’d rather just stay home. I can’t hear you anyway.

7. Remember who I am calling or why I called them until they answer the phone: And then I’m still not totally sure, so I’ll look at my cell phone and pray that the name of the person that I called is programmed into my phone.

8. Understand today’s music lyrics: I can’t figure out who shawty is and why so many people sing about him or her.

9. Handle people who complain about problems they created. Or people who are constantly unhappy or negative. Or those who must put others down or to embarrass others simply to make themselves feel better. Or men going through mid-life crises. Or men who cheer on men who are having mid-life crises. Or shitty, absentee parents who choose their own selfish wants over their children’s basic needs.  Or women with no backbones.  Or millionaires who don’t pay taxes.  Or those who don’t believe in climate change or stem cell research. Or adults who act like children when they don’t get their way. Or those who think the world owes them something. Or those who have just absolutely fallen in love.. with themselves. Or people who don’t understand the meaning of the words ‘respect” or “kindness” or what it means to have “class.”

Ya know, now that I think about it, I think I just can’t handle most of the people anymore.

10. This election. This country. This male candidate who may be the face of our country for the next 4 years who is a proven racist bigot who hates women and mocks people with disabilities and who will have the power to appoint Supreme Court Justices who will most definitely overturn “Roe v. Wade,” and who will deregulate gun control, refuse to increase the minimum wage nationally, mess with gay rights somehow, and who will never go away, even when he is done with his term in office. Remember: even when Trump is out of office, we will be stuck with those anti-women, anti-gay, anti-minority Supreme Court Justices for the REST OF THEIR LIVES.





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5 Responses to Top 10 Things I Can’t Do Anymore Now That I’m Almost 45.

  1. Kelli Chase says:

    I’m with you…Whoever you are!

  2. Zooey says:

    I loved your post, it’s so funny 🙂 I’m almost 30 and I can agree with you in most of these things.
    p.s. I can never find my car in the parking, I’m pretty sure someone parks it in another place while I’m gone. My husband doesn’t get it! 🙂

  3. hoffgirl says:

    Ok, you have planted a thing inside my head and are simply writing down every single thought I have. Good job.

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